Vampires!
by dogboat333
Summary: Vampires have infested Bikini Bottom, and SpongeBob and Patrick are the only two that can save Bikini Bottom... and possibly the world. Contains some SpongeBobxSandy NOW COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Vampires!: A SpongeBob SquarePants story

By dogboat333

It was a dark night at Bikini Bottom. A certain sponge was walking home from work to his pineapple house. He walked across a big rock home and a tiki head home when he finally reached his home. He opened the door and walked inside. He walked to the cupboard and got a can of snail food. Then he fed his snail, Gary.

"Meow," Gary said. (Translation: "Thanks, SpongeBob.")

SpongeBob turned on the TV and changed the channel to the news.

"This just in: Vampires in Bikini Bottom! Local resident Henry Fish reported seeing two pale figures prey on another resident who hasn't been identified yet. Here's Perch Perkins with Henry," the dissenbodied fish head said.

"I'm here with Henry Fish who reported seeing two vampires prey on another resident. Henry, please speak," Perch said.

"I was walking home from the office when I saw a dark figure run across the street. I looked in that direction and I saw two figures pin down a guy. And then, one of the pale guys bit the pinned-down guy. I ran away before they saw me," Henry said.

"Wow, Henry, that's amazing. Now here's Johnny with sports..."

SpongeBob turned the TV off. He locked the door just in case vampires attack his house and picked up Gary, and ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door.

"It's okay Gary. The scary vampires won't get us," SpongeBob said.

"Meow," Gary said. (Translation: "There are no vampires, you freaking idiot!")

Suddenly, there was a knocking on the door. Then, a louder knock. And then, the door's hinges broke, causing the door to fall. Footsteps ran up the wooden steps.

"What was that?" SpongeBob asked.

"Meow," Gary said. ("I have no idea.")

Then the bedroom door fell down. SpongeBob hid behind the covers. The dark figure walked towards him.

* * *

**CLIFFHANGER! So what broke down the door? Find out, next chapter which will be up... eventually. I honestly have no idea when I'll do it. Maybe an hour, maybe a whole year. Well, maybe not a year. But it might be a long time... or will it?**

**-dogboat333**


	2. Chapter 2

Vampires! Chapter 2

SpongeBob heard the figure walk to his bed. The covers were lifted. SpongeBob looked at the figure... to find his best friend, Patrick.

"Hey SpongeBob!" Patrick said with a goofy smile.

"Patrick, you have no idea how relieved I am to see you!" SpongeBob said, relieved it wasn't a vampire.

"Did you see that news thingie?"

"Yeah, there are vampires in Bikini Bottom."

"Let's go hide somewhere."

"OKAY!"

The two walked down the stairs... and were faced with two vampires.

"!" SpongeBob and Patrick yelled. The two vampires looked at them and ran to them.

I'll just say this: crap happened. SpongeBob was pinned down, but Patrick took the vampire down. Then the two... RAN! RAN FOR THEIR LIVES!

They ran to Sandy's treedom and pounded on her door. She opened it, and the two ran inside, not caring for water helmets.

Sandy wasn't very happy for the sudden intrusion. "What's wrong with y'all?" Sandy yelled.

"Vvvvvvvvvvvvvv... VAMPIRES!" the two sea creatures yelled.

Sandy shut the iron doors.

"Y'all can stay the night, but you better put your water helmets on," Sandy said.

"Oh yeah, we didn't put them on," SpongeBob said.

SpongeBob and Patrick start to dry up and moan "WATER!"

* * *

SpongeBob and Patrick had their water helmets on, full of refreshing salt water.

"Now, y'all know that vampires aren't real, right?" Sandy asked.

"Sandy, we say them with our own eyes!" Patrick said.

"We saw it on the news, and what's on the news is real," SpongeBob said.

"Just go to sleep, you two! Maybe sleep will make you think logical," Sandy said.

"Will you make pancakes tomorrow?" Patrick asked.

"And bacon?" SpongeBob asked.

"Ugh, yeah," Sandy said.

"YAY!" SpongeBob and Patrick yelled.

The two friends lay down on the couch (not side to side) and went to sleep. Sandy put a blanket on the two.

"Well, I better hit the hay, too," Sandy said.

* * *

_SpongeBob and Patrick woke up. They were in the Krusty Krab._

_"Well, I better get to work!" SpongeBob said._

_"Hey, isn't it a little too quiet for the Krusty Krab?" Patrick asked._

_"Oh yeah... waht's that?"_

_"I don't think those are regular fish folk. They're pale."_

_Suddenly, vampires ran into the Krusty Krab. They surrounded the two._

_"AHHHH!" SpongeBob and Patrick yelled._

_The friends both screamed as the life was drained from their bodies._

* * *

**Okay, so yes, Sandy doesn't believe in vampires. Although when she finally believens in vampires, it may be too late. And I swear I wasn't hinting SpongeBobxPatrick (Spatrick.) I hate Yaoi and Yuri stories. And people who write them (if they make the two of them kiss and... do things.) In fact, I can barely stand regular boyxgirl stories unless they focus on couples I kinda like. And yes, the italics was a double dream both SpongeBob and Patrick had. Next chapter, we go to the Krusty Krab to see if anyone there believes that vampires exist. I don't think they will, though.**

**-dogboat333**


	3. Chapter 3

Vampires! Chapter 3

It was morning. SpongeBob and Patrick were wide awake and walked into the kitchen... and were disappointed to find no breakfast.

"Sandy, you said you would make breakfast!" Patrick yelled.

"I did. I made some acorn pancakes, some bacon, and an egg," Sandy said.

"But, you said you would make us breakfast for us!" SpongeBob said.

"Southern hospitality doesn't extend to psychos."

SpongeBob and Patrick walked out of the Treedome and headed to the Krusty Krab.

* * *

"So let me get this straight, you two were attacked by vampires?" Squidward asked.

"Yes," SpongeBob said.

Squidward started laughing.

"It's true!" Patrick yelled.

The whole resteraunt started laughing.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" Mr. Krabs yelled as he walked out of his office. The whole resteraunt went quiet.

"Um, me and SpongeBob saw vampires and nobody believes us," SpongeBob said.

Mr. Krabs was quiet.

"He's crazy, right!" Squidward yelled. Mr. Krabs was still quiet. "Right?"

Mr. Krabs was still quiet.

"You don't believe us," Patrick said.

"Aye, boyos," Mr. Krabs said.

SpongeBob frowned.

"SpongeBob, vampires are just stories parents tell to their children so they eat their meal. Sorry, boy..." Mr. Krabs said.

"Don't call me boyo," SpongeBob said.

SpongeBob and Patrick stomped out of the resteraunt.

* * *

It was late at night. SpongeBob and Patrick were watching TV.

"This just in: vampires are a hoax!" the reporter said.

"No," SpongeBob said as he changed the channel.

"George, I love you, but there's no such thing as vampires!" a girl on TV said.

"Nope," Patrick said as SpongeBob changed the channel.

"2, 4, 8, 12, 36, vampires aren't real, hup!" the quarterback on TV yelled.

SpongeBob turned the TV off.

"They don't believe us," Patrick said.

"Yep," SpongeBob said.

"Why?"

"They're indenial, that's what they are."

* * *

Squidward was walking across a dark street.

"Stupid life, why can't I get a f..." Squidward began to say. He was stopped by a dark figure.

"Welcome, Squidward," the figure said.

"Who are you?"

"Don't worry, your pains will disappear with a bite."

The figure tackled Squidward.

"What the heck are you do... AUGH!" Squidward said as the dark figure bit him.

_SpongeBob was right._

* * *

**Well, nobody believed them. And Squidward got bit. Not much to say, really.**

**-dogboat333**


	4. Chapter 4

Vampires! Chapter Four

Daytime. SpongeBob and Patrick walked outside.

"Well, where should we go?" Patrick asked.

"We need to get vampire killing stuff!" SpongeBob said.

"Yeah!"

* * *

SpongeBob and Patrick walked through the hallways.

"SpongeBob, this place is scary!" Patrick said.

"Patrick, calm down!" SpongeBob said.

"No! This library is scary!"

"Patrick! We need to find the computers!"

The two walked through the hallways of books until they reached the computers. SpongeBob typed "Vampires" into the search engine.

"How to kill a vampire:

1. Stab it with a woode stake.

2. Trick it into the sunlight.

3. Beat it at Monopoly then rub it in his face" SpongeBob read.

"How to turn into a vampire:

1. Be bitten (duh!)

2. Be injected with vampire venom.

3. Lose at a game of Monopoly against a vampire and it rubs it in your face," Patrick read.

"Every full moon, vampires become very powerful. At this event, the vampires can sense where non-vampires are and their speed is increased. If this happens and there are more that 10 vampires, you're likely screwed."

"Let's say there are 5 vampires. If there are 500 people in the area and each vampire gets 2, the people are reduced to 490 (if the victims don't bite anyone) and the vampire population is increased to 15... AH! MATH! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!"

Patrick ran out of the library.

"Ugh, Patrick!" SpongeBob yelled.

* * *

SpongeBob catched up with Patrick at Jellyfish Fields.

"Pat, what the heck happened?" SpongeBob yelled.

"I'm scared of math!" Patrick yelled.

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"Hey, math is pretty scary!"

"Please, that's the most pathetic fear ever!"

"Well, what are YOU scared of?"

"Um... I don't wanna say."

"C'mon buddy! I'm the only one here!"

"Okay, I'm... scared of admitting... I love... Sandy."

"Phew! I thought you would say you loved me! Big relief!"

"Well, the relief won't last long."

"Wh..."

"LOOK!"

Patrick looked in horror to see it was nighttime.

"Oh crap," Patrick said.

* * *

Pearl was walking home with her new boyfriend, Greg.

"Oh Greg, thanks for taking me to that club! It was great!" Pearl said.

"No problem, toots! Anything for the prettiest girl in the sea," Greg said.

Suddenly, there were four dark figures surrounding them.

"What do you want?" Greg yelled.

"Blood," one of the dark figures said.

"Wait... Squidward?" Pearl asked.

Sure enough, one of the figures was Squidward.

"Now, let's stop the chit-chat," Squidward said as he lunged at Pearl and bit her. Another vampire lunged at Greg and bit him.

Two more victims of the vampires.

* * *

SpongeBob and Patrick hid in a hole under a rock. They hoped no vampires would see them. Nobody could survive nighttime outside with the vampires outside. And they didn't think they would be the first.

* * *

**Chapter four done. So lets review:**

**Squidward and Pearl are so far the only characters from the actual show that have been bitten. So far.**

**SpongeBob and Patrick are the only two who still believe in the vampires.**

**That's pretty much all to review.**

**I need help. I need to figure out who becomes a victim of the bloodsuckers. So click the magic blue button below and tell me who to turn into a vampire. Or constructive criticism. Or anything.**

**-dogboat333**


	5. Chapter 5

Vampires! Chapter Five

SpongeBob climbed out. It was morning. He survived the night.

"Patrick! Get up!" SpongeBob yelled.

Patrick climbed out.

"Huh, were alive," Patrick said.

"And we aren't burning, so we're not vampires!" SpongeBob said.

* * *

The two sat on the couch and turned on the TV.

"This just in: resident missing! Local resident Squidward Tenticles has been reported missing. He was last seen two days ago leaving his workplace," the dissenbodied fish head said.

"Oh crap," SpongeBob said.

"Squid's gone," Patrick said.

"Stupid vampires!"

"What are we gonna do?"

"I'll be right back."

SpongeBob ran out of the room.

* * *

SpongeBob was looking through his library.

"There have to be millions of books here! I'll never find that vampire book... oh, here it is!" SpongeBob said as he pulled out a large book. The words: "The Vampire Handbook: How To Survive A Vampire Apocalypse" were printed in bold on the cover.

"I never thought I would need this book," SpongeBob said.

He opened it and turned it to page 47.

_Chapter 5: V-Day_

_So,_ _you survived up to the full moon, eh? Well, this is the last chance saloon to survive and kill those damn bloodsuckers! The vampires are stronger, they're faster, and they can smell non-vampires from miles away! This dreaded day is known as V-Day, the day vampires can bite everyone in the whole world in an hour. On this day, vampires are almost indestructible. Only wooden stakes being stabbed in the vampires heart can kill them on this night, however, this is nearly impossible. This is also the only night you can kill the head vampire, the first vampire to be corrupted. If you survive but you don't kill the head vampire, well, we'll see if you can do it at the next full moon. If you survive that long, that is._

"Oh no," SpongeBob said.

* * *

"So, the vampires can kill us at the full moon for sure unless we kill the head vampire?" Patrick asked.

"Yeah, but there's one problem with that," SpongeBob said.

"What?"

"The full moon is in two days!"

"Oh man, we're in trouble."

The two looked at the clock. It read 1:12 pm.

* * *

**Well, looks like V-Day is coming! Yes, V-Day is a reference from a LP of Fort Zombie (although the guy called it Z-Day and zombies attack the fort. And Fort Zombie sucks. DO NOT BUY IT! It was the worst ten dollars I ever spent) Coming next chapter: Part two of the day in this chapter.**

**-dogboat333**


	6. Chapter 6

Vampires! Chapter Six

Reply Review Time

**Gee logan:** Thanks! I appreciate the nice review.

* * *

SpongeBob walked outside. He wondered how he would survive V-Day, how he could save the world from the vampires, ect.

Then, he felt a sharp pain. He fell on the ground.

* * *

SpongeBob woke up. He was tied up to a chair.

"What the heck?" SpongeBob yelled.

He looked around. He saw Patrick tied up. He also saw a door across the hall.

The door opened. SpongeBob was shocked to see who opened it.

_It was **SANDY.**_

"Hello boys. How are y'all doing?" Sandy asked.

"Other than the fact that you kidnapped up and tied us to these chairs, we're pretty good," SpongeBob said.

"Y'all still believe in vampires?"

"Yes, Sandy. We do. They exist."

Sandy took out a golden watch and started waving it.

"Y'all are getting very sleepy... very sleepy," Sandy said.

SpongeBob and Patrick began sleeping.

"When y'all wake up, y'all will not believe in vampires. Wake up," Sandy said.

"C'mon mom, five more minutes!" Patrick said, still sleeping.

"NO! WAKE UP!"

SpongeBob and Patrick woke up.

"Do y'all believe vampires?" Sandy asked.

"No, no, they don't exist," Patrick said.

"Good."

"Besides, we're being attacked by the Snakes," SpongeBob said.

"Snakes?" Sandy asked.

"Yes, yes, Snakes are very similar to vampires, but no such thing exists."

"Oh no. This backfired."

"I hope we don't get bitten by the Snakes on S-Day, SpongeBob!" Patrick said.

"Me too, Pat. Me too," SpongeBob said.

* * *

Sandy un-hypnotised the two.

"You two are ridiculous. Everyone knows vampires don't exist..." Sandy began to say.

Suddenly, the window broke. Vampires flew through.

"VAMPIRES!" SpongeBob and Patrick yelled.

"Please, they're obviously drunks! I hope they're drunks, at least," Sandy yelled.

Patrick jumped out of the window.

SpongeBob and Sandy looked out of the window. There were armies of vampires. The plexiglass dome that surrounded the dome was broken and water was pouring in. Patrick was outside the dome, fighting two or three vampires.

"Those are some crazy drunks," Sandy said.

"Admit it Sandy, they're vampires!" SpongeBob said.

"No they aren't."

"ARE!"

"NOT!"

"ARE!"

"NOT!"

"NOT!"

"ARE!"

"HA! Gotcha!"

The two ran into the closet.

"Looks like we're stuck here," Sandy said.

"Hey Sandy, since we're stuck here, I have to tell you something," SpongeBob said.

"What?"

"Um, how can I..."

"Tell me!"

"I LOVE YOU!" SpongeBob yelled as he put his hands over his mouth.

"What? Do y'all mean that?" Sandy asked.

"Ugh, yeah. You can punch me if you want."

Instead of a punch SpongeBob expected, he got a kiss (well, what would be a kiss since he had a water helmet on.)

"I love y'all too," Sandy said.

* * *

The two ran outside, taking down vampires with karate moves. Suddenly, a vampire lunged at Sandy and bit her.

"NO!" SpongeBob yelled.

"Ah screw this, let's get outta here!" Patrick, who came out of nowhere, yelled.

SpongeBob and Patrick started running away, not looking back.

* * *

**Well, looks like Ms. Cheeks was bitten. Kinda sad, I had another idea that included Sandy, but, oh well. So, V-Day comes a day closer! The full moon will bring the vampires and they will bite the heck outta everyone like mosquitos, although vampires will turn you into one of them while mosquitos will just bite you and maybe give you malaria. So next chapter, we'll see what SpongeBob and Pat will do.**

**Do I kinda like Spandy? Yes. Did I enjoy putting Spandy in this chapter? Yes. Why? Yes.**

**-dogboat333**


	7. Chapter 7

Vampires! Chapter 7

SpongeBob and Patrick were still running. They jumped through the window and boarded it up. Then they turned the TV on and started watching.

"This just in: two more residents reported missing! Pearl Krabs, daughter of Eugene Krabs, the owner of the Krusty Krabs, and Greg Flounder, Pearl's girlfriend. The two were last seen by their friends leaving a club," the disembodied fish head said.

"Oh crap," SpongeBob said.

* * *

It was daytime. The two were walking to the Krusty Krab because SpongeBob had to work and Patrick wanted to come. When they walked in they were suprised to see someone behind the grill. It wasn't Mr. Krabs or Squidward (obviously, he's a vampire), so who was it?

"Mr. Krabs?" SpongeBob yelled.

Mr. Krabs walked out.

"Ahoy SpongeBob! Hi Patrick," Mr. Krabs said.

"Who's that guy behind the grill?" SpongeBob yelled.

"That's Frank, ye're replacement."

"Sup," Frank said as he looked up from the opening in the wall.

"Wh... what? Why?" SpongeBob asked.

"Ye've gone mad, boyo with all that vampire crap," Mr. Krabs said.

"THEY'RE REAL!"

"Calm down boyo!"

SpongeBob stomped out. But before he walked out, he yelled this:

"I HATE YOU MR. KRABS!"

"I liked this place with SpongeBob better," a customer said.

"Yeah," another customer said.

"He made this place fun, but now it's depressing."

"Let's get outta here!"

All of the customers left, leaving Mr. Krabs alone in the dining area.

"What have I done?" he said to himself.

* * *

Patrick walked up to SpongeBob.

"Hey buddy. What's up?" he asked.

"Shut up!" SpongeBob replied.

"C'mon buddy, talk. I hear talking calms you done... or is it alcohol? Or sea melon? I'm not very sure."

"Fine, talk."

* * *

After a long, long, LONG talk, SpongeBob calmed down.

"Thanks Pat," SpongeBob said.

"No problem, buddy," Patrick replied.

"I'm going to bed."

"Wait, we could have gone to BED all of this time?"

"Patrick!"

* * *

Patrick ran to his rock. It was 11p.m and the vampires would definatly be out. Besides, it was the night before the full moon (V-Day) and vampires would be active. But Patrick wanted his blankie. He tried to open it, but it was locked.

"Darn, the landlord changed the locks again!" Patrick yelled.

Suddenly, he turned around, sensing something wrong. He saw a vampire Squidward.

"Hey Squid!" Patrick yelled.

Squidward said nothing. He just hissed.

"Um, are you sick?" Patrick asked. He clearly forgot Squidward was one of them.

Squidward hissed again.

"I think I should just go now," Patrick said.

To make things short: Patrick said stiupid things, Squidward kept hissing, and Patrick walked back to SpongeBob's without his blankie.

As for Squidward, he knew his first stop tomorrow night.

* * *

**Well, looks like Squid knows where to go on V-Day. And of course, I was not hinting SpongeBobxPatrick. Patrick is just at SpongeBob's friend who's staying at his place to hold out in a vampire apocalypse. I hate yaoi, so I wouldn't write a story with it. So, next chapter we see preperations to survive V-Day, the day... forget it, read chapter 5 to get what V-Day is if you forgot. So remember to review (no flamers!), add to favorites, and look for chapter eight coming out. It should be pretty good.**

**Oh, and Patrick's landlord changing the locks is a reference to that episode where Patrick got the rare talking MM&BB card, and SpongeBob wanted that card, so he did anything to get it. I forget the name, but it was a pretty good episode.**

**-dogboat333**


	8. Chapter 8: VDay Part One

Vampires! Chapter 8

Reviewing Reviews Time!

**123gir**: You're gonna find out.

**FunGuy2k**: Thanks! I might do a sequel, but no promises.

* * *

Daylight. The two friends walked outside to see a boatmobile in front of Squidward's house.

"Isn't that Squilvia boatmobile?" SpongeBob asked his friend.

"Maybe... wait, who's Squilvia again?" Patrick asked.

"Squid's girlfriend."

Before Patrick could reply, Squilvia walked out and looked at the two.

"Oh, hello SpongeBob and Patrick. Have you seen Squidward?" she asked.

"He's a vampire," SpongeBob said.

'Wait, what?' Patrick thought to himself.

Squilvia was quiet for a moment. Then she walked towards her boatmobile, hopped in, and drove off.

"Do you think she believed us?" Patrick asked.

"No," SpongeBob said.

* * *

SpongeBob was reading "The Vampire Handbook: How to Survive A Vampire Apocalypse." He was looking for information on the head vampire

_Chapter 125: The Head Vampire_

_Who is the Head Vampire? Is it Dracula? No, it's the oldest vampire alive, the Buffed-Out Sunfish Vampire. He is 98.6 times stronger and faster than the other vampires, and harder to kill. A simple stab can't even make him flinch! It's impossible to kill him... except on V-Day. There, in his lair, is the only way to kill him is hidden in his lair. You must kill him and his wife, for the vampire queen can... um, I guess bring the head vampire back to life or something. I've never seen her. What is the weapon, you ask? It's a..._

The next page was blank.

"Wha... what's the weapon?" SpongeBob yelled.

SpongeBob turned the page to find this:

_Author T.J. Seaweed was a vampire specialist who lived in Bikini Bottom with his wife Sarah and his three children, Matt, Tom, and Edd. He was born in 1768. However, he and his wife randomly blew up and died June 12th, 1799 when he was working on the 125th chapter. The book was later published. The weapon was never known._

"DAMN IT!" SpongeBob yelled.

Patrick walked inside.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" Patrick asked.

"It's complicated," SpongeBob said.

"Well, just wanted to tell you it's almost nightime."

"Crap, and it's V-Day."

* * *

It was dark. There was a horde of vampires passing Patrick's rock and the tiki head Squidward lived in.. When they reached the pineapple, they broke the iron doors down in one punch. The vampires looked through the whole house. They didn't find the two "blunderheads" anywhere. They were long gone. Looking for the head vampire.

* * *

**Well, looks like SpongeBob and Pat are looking for the head vampire. Yes, that's all this chapter, but there will be one or two more parts, then an epilogue. Oh and there's an Eddsworld reference. The kids names of T.J. Seaweed are the names of the three main characters of Eddsworld. So, see part two of V-Day next time on "Vampires!"**

**-dogboat333 (who's rocking a fedora)**


	9. Chapter 9: VDay Part Two

Vampires! Chapter 9

Review Reply Time

**IFurgot: **I have no idea. I just have a wide imagination that can make beloved cartoon characters that wear square pants yell "DAMN!".

* * *

SpongeBob and Patrick were sneaking around the city, disguised as a large box. They stumbled upon two vampires.

"Um, you do know we can tell your there, right?" one of the vampires asked.

"THEY'RE ON TO US! RUN!" Patrick yelled.

SpongeBob and Patrick ran out of the box and started running away, screaming.

* * *

The two stumbled upon a large cave.

"Well, should we go inside? The head vampire could be in there," Patrick said.

"It is the only way to save the world... if he's in there, of course," SpongeBob said.

"Okay, let's go."

The two wandered into the cave. They were walking in a very dark hallway which was damp.

"Hey SpongeBob, where's the flashlight?" Patrick asked.

"At the Krusty Krab, in the employee locker..." SpongeBob said.

"Crud."

"Now you won't have to see your best friend bitten," a mysterious voice said.

SpongeBob and Patrick stopped.

"What the heck was that?" Patrick asked.

Several torches were lit.

"What the heck?" Patrick yelled.

The lights revealed two large sunfish... and a Patrick with no pants on.

"Oh. My. Glob. The. Head. Vampire," SpongeBob said.

"Yeah. I. Know," Patrick said.

"How. Did. You. Know?"

"I. Just. Guessed."

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" one of the sunfish yelled.

"Um... no thanks, we're good," SpongeBob said.

"SHUT UP OR ELSE WE'LL BITE YOU!"

"Yep, vampires," Patrick said.

The larger sunfish vampire stood up.

"I am Magnus, king of the vampires. I am also the head vampire, as you puny mortals call me," he said.

"Hi King Mangus! I'm SpongeBob and this is Patrick..." SpongeBob said.

"I don't care!"

SpongeBob and Patrick shut up.

"Anyway, I can see you found my lair. I suppose you want to know my plan," King Mangus said.

"I guess... but can I go to the bathroom, first?" Patrick asked.

"*sigh* Walk down the corridor, it's the 2nd room on the right."

Patrick ran off down the hallway.

* * *

LATER

* * *

Patrick ran back to the throne room.

"Anyway..." King Mangus began.,

"Um... actually, I have to pee," SpongeBob said.

"Ugh, fine!"

* * *

LATER

* * *

SpongeBob ran back.

"Anyway, about 600 years ago, I lived like you, a puny mortal who lived off the land... yes I know you don't live off the land. More like live on factories. I was traveling through the woods when I discovered a puddle of red liquid. I drank it, and I turned into a vampire. It turned out I drank the blood of _Imaidiotfordrinkingthisblood vampirus, _also known as vampire blood. My wife allowed me to bite her, and we roamed the world, alone, sucking the blood of whole townsfolk on occasion. It was the same thing until a week ago, when we stumbled upon this cave. Then I decided to stay here..." King Mangus said.

"Wait a minute, "The Vampire Handbook: How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse" says you've stayed in this cave for thousands of years!" SpongeBob said.

"That book is fiction! This is real life!"

"Barnacles!"

"You do know I'm going to bite you two, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you want a thirty-second head start?"

"Sounds good."

SpongeBob and Patrick started running. And they didn't look back.

* * *

SpongeBob and Patrick ran into the Chum Bucket. They ran into the lab where Plankton stood, on a table, looking at a case with something in it.

"PLANKTON!" the two yelled.

The small green creäture turned around.

"Let me guess, vampires?" Plankton asked.

"Yes," SpongeBob said.

"You believe in them too, huh?"

"Wait, YOU believe them?"

* * *

**So Plankton believes in vampires. Sorry for the late update, my laptop is infected with 16 viruses and it WOULDN'T LET ME GO ONLINE! Damn Chinese viruses... anyway, I'm on my mom's computer now and writing with a keyboard that has the "y" key missing. So, see you next chapter, and as SpongeBob would say, "I'M READY!"**

**-dogboat333 (rocking on fanfiction since (bleeped date))**


	10. Chapter 10: VDay Part Three

Vampires! Chapter 10

Review Reply Time

**Guest:** Plankton doesn't eat cake... so I'll take that... *eats cake*

* * *

"Why do you believe in vampires?" SpongeBob asked.

"Five years ago I tried to steal the Krabby Patty formula, late at night, when I noticed a dark..." Plankton began to say.

"We know, you saw a dark figure pin someone down and bite them."

"I didn't know," Patrick said.

"I hate you both. A lot," Plankton said.

SpongeBob walked around and saw a large gun that looked like it should be in a museum.

"What's this?" SpongeBob asked.

"It's the Mega-Stake Machine Gun. It's an exact replica of the only weapon against the head vampire. You load the gun with the stakes then you pull..." Plankton began to say. Then he noticed SpongeBob and Patrick were gone... and so was the Mega-Stake Machine Gun.

"Son of a b..." Plankton began to say.

* * *

SpongeBob and Patrick wandered around the city, the MSMG in hand.

"Hey Pat, do you smell acorns?" SpongeBob asked.

"Yeah, and dead squirrel," Patrick said.

SpongeBob and Patrick looked around to find a vampire Sandy.

"Howdy boys," Sandy said.

"Sandy, move, we're heading to the head vampire cave so we can kill the head vampire," Patrick said.

"Not if I stop y'all!"

* * *

It was a complicated battle, but in the end: SpongeBob and Patrick somehow won. They finally got back to the cave and were face-to-face with King Mangus.

"Looks like you IDIOTS came back. Prepare to die!" King Mangus said.

"Please, YOU'RE the one who will die! Well, die again," SpongeBob said.

King Mangus lunged at the two, while SpongeBob shot from the MSMG and Patrick hid behind a big rock. One of SpongeBob's shot's hit King Mangus, but that didn't do much.

"AHH!" Patrick yelled as he ran away.

"What the heck? That should have worked!" SpongeBob said.

Patrick ran out of the cave, screaming bloody murder.

SpongeBob looked at the other sunfish. It was female, he could tell that. And it was a vampire. But something creeped him out.

After SpongeBob figured that out, you can figure out what happened to that sunfish. If not, he staked her.

Then it was 1v1. A wimpy sponge vs. an immortal vampire freak.

SpongeBob... ran out of the cave.

* * *

SpongeBob catched up to Patrick. Unfortionaly, they were trapped by King Mangus. And he was coming closer.

"Patrick, I have to tell you something," SpongeBob said.

"Yeah?" Patrick asked.

"You've been the best friend I've ever had."

"I know, I'm a really enjoyable guy."

King Mangus was walking closer.

"I'm scared!" Patrick yelled.

"I already peed my SquarePants!" SpongeBob yelled.

King Mangus came even closer.

Patrick had his hands covered his eyes.

"98, 99, 100! Ready or not here I... AHHH!" Patrick yelled as he uncovered his eyes.

Then, the sun came up and turned the King of the Vampires to ash.

"Aww... well, at least it isn't like Twilight where he sparkles," Patrick said.

"How do you know that?" SpongeBob asked.

"I do my research."

The two looked at the ashes.

"C'mon, Pat, let's go," SpongeBob said.

"Hold on a minute," Patrick said as he turns to the direction of the ashes and unzipped his zipper and started peeing on the ashes.

"Patrick!"

"What? Tell me you didn't want to do this to his ashes!"

* * *

**Well, looks like the two survived V-Day. And I had only one reference: the Twilight crap.**

**Anyway, I'm going to do an epilogue, but there will probably not be a sequel. Sorry, but it took me a few hours to write this chapter and I've invested... 31 hours, maybe, into this story and I've had bizarre ideas for this chapter.**

**So I ended up with choosing "Mega Stake Machine Gun Chapter of Pure Awesomeness... Sorta." And sorry for lack of vampire-killing details, but the story might have been bumped up to M, and I don't want that. So, remember to review, add to favorites if you like this story, tell your friends, and look for the last chapter of Vampires! because it should be okay.**

**-dogboat333 (the dog-in-a-boat-in-a-box)**


	11. Epilogue

Vampires! Chapter 10.5 (AKA Epilogue)

SpongeBob and Patrick walked through the streets of Bikini Bottom. Everything was back to normal. Well, except for one thing.

"Do you have any idea what happened the past few days?" someone asked.

"No, I don't!" the other person said.

"Isn't that a coincidence, I don't either!" someone else asked. And everyone except SpongeBob and Patrick started talking about them not remembering the past few days.

"Looks like they don't remember they were vampires," Patrick said.

"Well, then Sandy wouldn't remember she kissed me," SpongeBob said.

"Well, buddy, you'll have all the time in the world to get her back."

The two walked to the Treedome... to find it was completely in-tacked.

"What the... the Treedome was destroyed three days ago!" SpongeBob yelled.

"Howdy boys!" Sandy, who came out of nowhere, said.

"Hey Sandy... do you, by any chance, remember anything about vampires... or the Treedome being destroyed?"

"No, it's weird. Well, I'll see y'all."

Sandy walked back into her Treedome.

"Well, looks like we're the only two who remember the vampires," SpongeBob said.

"Yeah, do you wanna go jellyfishing?" Patrick asked.

SpongeBob smiled.

"Sure, Pat," SpongeBob said.

The two walked to Jellyfish fields and went jellyfishing until... well, that's a different story.

**The End**

Written By dogboat333

Based on the cartoon "SpongeBob SquarePants" by SpongeBob SquarePants

* * *

**Well, the story is over. SpongeBob and Patrick are back to normal, and nobody else remembers in vampires, except maybe Plankton if he wasn't bit. But I want to thank some people:**

**Gee logan (Anonymous writer): My first reviewer.**

**FunnyGuy2k: Sorry if I got your name wrong, but he was the first person to add to favorites. He rocks. A lot.**

**The other reviewers: They all gave reviews that made me all warm and fuzzy inside.**

**Everybody who has read this story: From the people who liked this story to the people who didn't, I just want to say this: Thank you for giving this story a chance. :)**

**Stephen Hillenberg: He created one the best cartoons ever.**

**Oh yeah, and I edited this story. Yeah, I added some text and fixed some spelling errors.**

**-dogboat333 (who watched gravity falls. it's okay)**


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